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#23

18/12/2017

Today I received a positive answer on my asylum claim. After four months spent in here, I finally have something to be happy about. This news means that tomorrow I will be transferred to an open reception center and will finally receive documents that will allow me to start a life. I will finally be able to find a proper home and start working as soon as possible hopefully.
It was such a joyous moment when the immigration officer told me and I had tears in my eyes.
When I left the immigration office with my family, my joy and happiness instantly faded away. I started to think about all the people I have shared the space and life with in these last months. They are waiting desperately for the same emotion. I felt that my news would be devastating but I could not hide it since I had to leave the next day. I told everyone in my sector the news that I was give asylum in Hungary but I could not tell them my happiness. My body froze and I said this amazing news with a sad face. I could not express any emotions as I did in the office. Everyone, but me, inside the sector was happy when hearing the news.

#22

18/12/2017

I always tell the people who visit us from the organisation, that I like this place, that here is very good and that the conditions are perfect. I always make sure to tell them that we have all that we need in here. When I decided to leave my country I always thought of appreciating what I was going to be given on the way since people take from their own to give to us in time of need. Meeting all the time these NGO workers I realized that I never say what I really think and feel. I always want to show that I appreciate what is given to me. I always want to please those who give to us. It is true that here the conditions are better than in Serbia or any other country we have passed. In the official camps in Serbia in one room we were 4 families with women, children, young adults and men. We have our own container and room here but we do not have any freedom. We are stuck within these fences and even to light up my cigarette I have to always ask the security.
I am still not strong enough, I think, to start complaining. I continue to pretend I appreciate everything. I am keeping the rest inside me. It is better for me and my family.

#21

18/12/2017

We have nothing here, really nothing. I sleep all the day sometimes because of boredom. I have walked every inch of this sector and I do not know what else to do here. If I am not sleeping then I am constantly thinking. Thinking of the past I left behind, of the my life I cannot have anymore. My past was very good. I had a very good job, a beautiful house in a beautiful neighborhood with many great friends. I think and think of this all the time. Although it makes me sad, it is a good memory. I cannot think of the future. My future is very uncertain. At the start of my journey I thought of the future and had beautiful dreams about it. And then we entered Europe and all those dreams, ideas and plans were destroyed and fear and insecurity took over.

#20

18/12/2017

Now that autumn started, life is getting slightly more difficult. With the cold and rain more works and responsibilities come for us women. In the courtyard the soil turns into mud and gets really dirty, even if one drop of rain falls. Every time someone goes out, he brings in all the dirt from just outside the door. The room is the only place that is for us only, so I try to keep it as cosy as I can. I try to re-enact my house back in my home country in this room. It is very difficult to do that but keeping it clean helps me keep imagining what I need to imagine. With the rain and the cold though it is impossible. Every twenty minutes I have to clean. If the kids get out, I wait inside the room with a broom in hand to clean the moment they enter.

#19

18/12/2017

Some of the children here started to go to school. Yes, in September school and education started even here. Every morning the children from all sectors go to one of the club rooms, where professional teachers from the big city nearby come and teach Hungarian and English to them. All children under 16 years old have to go to school, but of course this is not really enforced. In this sector where we are all minors and between 12 and 16 years old, only some of us go. The others can’t set their mind straight to go to school in the morning. These two friends of mine who are 12 and 13 years old were told by the doctor that their age is 16 and 17. They have been here for 3 months already and they have received a negative status. I do not think this is the right time for them to go to school and pretend everything is going to be fine. They spend most of the day inside the room on the internet on their phones. The only time they go out of the room is to go to the dining area and surf the internet from there.

#18

18/12/2017

I entered Hungary three days ago, so I am very fresh in this camp. I still do not know which sector is which, and I am still asking the other people in here what should I do or not do in this camp. It is so different from the Serbian camp where I was for over seven months.

I travelled alone all the way from my country. During this journey I met many people, made many friends with whom I shared those living spaces we could find on the way. We slept on the streets, on mountains and fields, in bushes and parks for many nights. When I finally entered that door into Hungary I rejoiced at the thought of sleeping in better conditions. In Serbia we shared one small room with 25 to 30 people, young, old, crying babies, women, men. Here I was put in a room together with 4 other minors like me. Its nice in here because we are all young and mostly from the same country. The first two days I was very happy about the conditions and the little privacy I finally had. But the third day I realised that it came at a price, I could not go anywhere from that small container, and small space. Everything was surrounded by barbed wire and high fence.

#17

18/12/2017

Since september the authorities here have started a school. Teachers come from the nearby cities to teach to our children. They learn mostly the Hungarian language and take part in many activities. The school is in the club rooms. As a mother I am very happy because finally the children will not just hang around in the open space without any purpose.

Since school has started the children look happier and in the evening they are tired and want to sleep early. They like the school very much because it reminds them of their school in the countries we came from. They were told by the teachers that they will not be able to come for one week because it is the holidays and the children were very sad that for one week they will not have any classes.

#16

18/12/2017

I just finished my morning walk for today with my friend I met here. In our countries, we like to walk with friends and talk about many different issues and topics. We usually walk together to the tea or coffee places and continue talking there for even longer. I miss that and that is why we try to do the same here.

Unfortunately here our walks are restricted to a circle around the open area between the containers in which we live and eat. The circles are short, just like the space here, but we try to go around as many times as we can or as long as our discussion goes. Many times our walks get disrupted by children playing.

Our conversations, too, keep going around in circles. We talk and talk about our situation in these times of uncertainty about our asylum application and the future that awaits us. Sometimes we become nostalgic about the walks we used to do in our countries and then we stop to ask the police guards, who are always standing at the door, to light our cigarettes. We light our cigarettes and continue walking.

#15

18/12/2017

Its very cold now here. There are no mountains around, it's all flat, so the wind blows very strong here. Since the temperatures have dropped you do not see and hear people outside anymore. Inside all the rooms there is heater, so it is very warm in our rooms. But at the same time we tend to spend all day in our small rooms. Imagine a family of six to seven people or more all the time in the room? Sometimes I feel that I need my space. The children go out to play or go to the club room when some organisation comes to organise activity for them. These are the times I can relax a little in the tiny space we have.Some days, while the children play, I go to the neighbors’ or they come to me in this room and we gather just like we used to do in our countries. But of course we have less space than we had in our homes in back home where we come from.

#14

11/10/2017

It is so easy to turn back where you came from. Yesterday a family from our sector after many months of wait decided it was enough. They slept many nights over the idea of what to do, and what would the next steps be. It took them more than one year and a half to come here from their country. They spent nine months in Serbia, out of which 4 waiting to be first on the waiting list to enter Hungary. Once they entered this country, they were told, like all of us, that now you are detained here for as long as we give a decision. Four months in here is a lot of time. Yesterday they told the immigration at 10 o'clock they want to go to Serbia, and in TEN minutes police came and told them to finish preparing and go to the exit door. All that two years of travel, suffering and despair and search for a better future got wrapped in ten to fifteen minutes by the Hungarian authorities.